I was about 6 years old when I got my first BB gun. It was a Remington pump action that came with a scope. Little did my parents know that they had just equipped the greatest little hunter in southeast Houston. For the next several years: birds, cats, squirrels snakes, windows, my sister all had huge targets on them. My journey as the Great White Hunter took place in my backyard in the canopies of the surrounding pecan trees, my safe haven, so I thought, would soon become a place of temptation. My dad's orders were "Don't shoot any song birds or squirrels." Song birds, I didn't even know what that meant, unless they were singing some MC Hammer, Vanilla Ice or New kids on the block they were fair game (ok I would most likely have shot them if they were singing New Kids on the Block). To me a bird was a bird and if it happened to fly into my cross hairs I was about 97.689% sure I would pull the trigger, so that bird better be hoping I only pumped it 6 times instead of 10. ..I'm drifting, but pumps 7, 8, 9 and 10 were hard on my developing muscles and sometimes I didn't have the patience to fight those last four.
I can recall one tragic event on a cool crisp morning. As soon as the sun peeked through my window I jumped out of my bed, already in gear from the night before, grabbed my Remington that I had strategically aimed at the door to ward off any attempts of attack from my brother's friends and out the back door to defend my territory. I had done well up to this point in following my father's decree. He had instilled enough fear within me to fight off any temptation to shoot and kill these warranted "song birds" Each morning I would listen to and watch them sing and I had to decided to let them live another day. But this morning was different. They just seemed to be enticing me a little more, jumping around from branch to branch displaying their colors and singing their hideous songs. Did they make a deal with my dad I wondered? Did they know I wasn't allowed to shoot them? So there I stood, 20 feet from a lively blue jay and my mind began to drift… "I'll just shoot right next to it and scare it off," I told myself. Sounded reasonable to me but as I looked at him through my scope a little voice within said, just shoot it you won't get caught. It's 6:30 in the morning, grown ups don't wake up until 7. So I did. The blue jay went to be with God that morning. And as I stood over him, thinking I should feel victorious and exalted I knew I had messed up and now it was time to cover up my mistake.
I don't know about most houses but we had a fire barrel that allowed you to burn your trash outside without catching the grass on fire. So I figured I would just burry him under the trash and then when my dad burned the trash he would burn the evidence as well. I agreed very quickly that it was a great plan. I picked up my kill, ran over to the barrel and as I was about to throw it in I saw that there was no trash. Yea not good. Panic, yes. Lucky for me, I'm quick on my feet so I toss the blue jay inside and thought, "Why don't I be a good son and just take out the trash for them?" I run inside grabbed the kitchen trash and I must have been making a lot of noise because I hear a voice behind me say, "Jason what are you doing?" It was my mom. I look at her and with an innocent voice said, "Can't a boy take out the trash in the morning without being questioned." Now let me preface this…I was NOT a kid who jumped at the opportunity to do chores, in fact I beat those kids up and I did everything in my power to get out of doing them. I think I might have taken out the trash ohhh maybe none up to this day. So when I thought I got away red handed, my mom's curiosity was only beginning to stir. She stood there staring, didn't say a word to me as I made my exit and headed towards the fire barrel. I walked or maybe skipped, trash in hands, smiling to myself and thought now how will I convince her to let me use the matches. Meanwhile, she must have relayed these peculiar events to my dad because he soon came walking out the backdoor to see who had taken his real son. He followed my tracks, which I had deliberately tried to make difficult to follow by taking the long way around, directly to the barrel. I quickly said, "Dad don't worry about it, you and mom just go back to sleep and I'll burn the trash this morning. You've worked hard, you deserve a break." He looked at me (probably thinking this was to good to be true), picked up the trash bag and there laid the lifeless blue jay. "Jason, why is there a dead blue jay in here?" he asked. So I said the first thing that came to my mind, "He must have eaten some of mom's cooking." I thought it was clever, but it didn't go over to well, after many attempts to plea my case and make up excuse after excuse; I finally had to come clean.
A lot of times we avoid telling the truth or coming clean with everything because we are so afraid of the consequences and judgment we may deserve. We think by covering up are mistake it will be a win win situation all around. Honestly I'm sure I got punished that day, but I don't remember what my punishment was. The punishment isn't what stuck with me, but to this day I can walk away and see the lesson and wisdom I learned from that experience. When you try to lie to people close to you or cover something up with more "trash" eventually you are going to be found out. The people who are closest to you, whom at the time you may think you are fooling, know you better than you realize and can see right through your actions because what you are doing is inconsistent with your persona. In the bible it says every deep and dark secret will be brought to light.
When Adam and Eve first sinned, what did they do? They hid from God and tried to cover up their naked bodies because their eyes were opened and they felt exposed. Satan has stuck to this game plan from day one and it has worked very well for him. He knows that by making you feel condemned and alone, you will hide from God, push away from the body of Christ and be a puppet for him to attack you and make you feel worthless. There is strength in community and in the body of Christ (the church) and he cannot harm you when you are wrapped in God's arms. What did God do when He found Adam and Eve, did He condemn them straight to hell? No, He was saddened because from that day forward we would know both good and evil and try to become our own god. But He loves us and sent His Son to get us back. He killed an animal and clothed them with it's skin, just as he would later do to His own Son so that we might have inheritance to his Kingdom. David says, in Psalms 32 that we he kept silent his bones wasted away…for day and night your hand was heavy upon me; as in the heat of summer. But when he confessed; God forgave the guilt of his sin. Jesus said, "The truth shall set you free." God has always drawn us closer to him, while the enemy has always tried to drive us away.
I'm glad my dad found the bird that day. Because if he didn't I may have enjoyed the pleasure and thrill of not getting caught. And from that day forward I could have started to develop a pattern that would only lead to a life full of lies and broken relationships.
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