A Fatherless America

One of the most difficult parts of being a camp counselor were the Saturday afternoons in June that inevitably brought a goodbye to the kids with whom I had just spent two weeks. As one camper, Matt, boarded the bus to return home, he looked back at me and said, "Jason, thanks for changing my life."   I will never forget those words. I didn't do anything spectacular or provide any special treatment.  I was just as much a learner as I was a counselor and leader. I was simply available.   The new group of kids that would cycle through every two weeks for five sessions was another reason to offer all I could in hopes that they would be positively impacted.

Not all the kids who came to camp were blessed with a good family life or secure lifestyle.  Many of the kids during the first session were only able to come because of the generous scholarships the camp offered underprivileged children. Carey, an interesting camper who came from a foster home, was full of surprises.  At the age of eleven, his voice seemed to shake the foundations of our sturdy gym and his energy matched the Energizer Bunny.  Not a day went by that Carey did not get into some mischief or trouble.  Carey tested my patience constantly by challenging my requests.  This erratic behavior Carey was displaying is expected from a child who is not raised in a healthy stable environment with consistent discipline from a father motivated by unconditional love.  Studies have shown that children who grow up in single parent homes, particularly without fathers physically and/or emotionally present, are more likely to abuse alcohol or drugs, struggle with identity issues and psychiatric problems and are at a dramatically greater risk of suicide as David Brent points out in his study of Post Traumatic Stress Disorders. He says that “teens living in single-parent families are not only more likely to commit suicide but also more likely to suffer from psychological disorders, when compared to teens living in intact families.”

Unfortunately these issues do not only affect foster children or kids who grow up in poverty, but permeate all socioeconomic levels and cultures.  I had another camper named Marcel, who was an emotionally neglected teenager from a wealthy, French family. His behavior resembled Carey in that he wanted sought to fight me on everything I asked. Early on, I resolved in my heart that despite his disobedience, I would continue to pursue him so that he knew he was valuable regardless of how hard he tried to push me away.  After many challenges, long conversations, and moments of resistance, I believe Marcel finally felt loved.  He hugged me tightly on the last day of camp and with tears streaming down his face, said he didn’t want to leave.  I wondered how the defiant teenager I had met two weeks ago could be so unraveled about having to leave now.  I looked around and saw parents hugging kids, kids cheerfully explaining everything that happened during their stay at camp and my heart broke for Marcel. Nobody was there to pick him up.  His parents were oceans away and he would return home only to stay with his aunt.  So what had shifted in Marcel’s heart?

In August, I traveled to Uganda with a team to work with those affected by the rebel-led war. We visited one particular village that had been heavily assaulted by the rebels.  They killed many adults and left behind over 400 orphans.  The orphans were either taken in by relatives or now cared for by older siblings. An elder of the village shared with us the need for assistance because they could not care for all of the orphans.  Since the orphans were not receiving direct parental attention, they were beginning to become a problem in the village by stealing and acting destructively. Without proper guidance and left to their own devices, they were making poor choices and heading toward a bleak future.    

What I have observed from being a camp counselor, traveling overseas, and even mentoring a young man from south Dallas who grew up in poverty with a single mom, is that kids are in dire need of love and attention, most of all from their parents. When these basic needs are not met, they will turn to something, or someone, to artificially meet these needs which most often leads to a lifestyle of broken hearts and bad decisions.  I believe the best and most important platform to meet these needs should be within the family unit.  If I, being a complete stranger, am able to make an impact on someone else’s child within such a short amount of time, how much more would the unconditional love of a parent dramatically and positively affect a child?  If my generation lives with this reality in mind, the choices of who we choose to marry and how we choose to parent our children becomes of utmost importance. 

Early in their adolescent years, we have the duty to begin to teach and model for our children the role they will someday have to raise and nurture children responsibly.  Should we continue to live in ignorance or in denial of this issue; the effects of a fatherless America will continue to leave behind a wake of broken relationships, pain, drug and alcohol abuse, and confused identities.  My hope is that we wake up to the gravity of our choices and ability to shape the future through the lives of our kids and embrace this role with ferocious tenacity to win back our youth. 

I recently witnessed the powerful impact of choosing to invest in the life of a child in a short documentary about a family who adopted eight children from around the world.  One of their adopted sons is from Bangalore, India and was born without arms.  He said that being born with such a physical deformity is seen as a curse in India and if he had not been adopted he would have been neglected to the point of death.  Another adopted son, also without arms, has learned to play the cello, guitar, bass and piano with his feet.  In an article in Washington Times, the mother said “Both boys are very sensitive to the needs of the less accepted members of society or those with special needs, primarily because they realize they were given the gift of a second chance; that they are where they are today because someone accepted them unconditionally and believed in them.”  I believe that the gift of family and unconditional acceptance, as demonstrated here, is an empowering life-changing tool that will create world changers with the drive and passion to positively impact future generations. 

Adoption Link